Sometimes

He sometimes wipes the tears I cry, and at other times he leaves me crying - not a care in the world..

He tells me.. "you've shown me what true love is" and God I wish I could say the same..

but, all I could do was cry.

I'm not sure why I cried..

but the tears that fell down my cheek, they hurt - they hurt like hell..

..it's left me with a dry lump in my throat and a broken heart.

My heart is constantly being beaten by his love.

There's a fine line between pleasure and pain;

It's funny that after so long, I finally find happiness.. or what I think happiness is to be - and even still, my heart aches.. and it hurts good - as if it's being constantly ripped out of my chest over and over. Is love only meant to be all about happiness? Is it still love if it hurts like this? ..the thought of losing him is what hurts the most. I can't, I can't go through a day without feeling hurt.. because all I can think of, is him leaving me.. for someone else. I don't know what this is anymore.. I thought I was in love, but if it were true then why am I always feeling so beaten down? I feel as if I've put my heart on the line.. only to let it be broken by the one I love - without him even noticing it. Am I making it all up in my head? I don't know.

This is all one big mind fuck!

Oblivious

Things have changed.. for the better or worse? I'm not sure yet. Even though I feel as if I'm complete.. I sometimes feel like there's a void inside of me. Who or what could possibly hold the last puzzle piece? I haven't always felt like this, but why now? Could it be what I think? And if it is, then why has it taken me this long to figure it out?

This doesn't feel real

It's like, you're only a figment of my imagination. I cannot even begin to explain how happy you make me.. so happy that I've begun to question - what have I done to deserve this? I could stay awake for hours just to watch you sleep; I never want to leave your side.. nor do I want this to end. I wonder - would it be wrong to say that I almost love you? I've never felt anything like it.. this feels different, this feels good; unrealistic. I know what this is..

But why am I so afraid to tell you?
Could it be that the feelings are not mutual?

Please tell me, tell me that they are..

Guilt, building up inside of me..

Why do I feel so guilty? When I shouldn't be feeling anything but complete happiness? I mean, I know.. I know that I told him.. and that I wanted this to work.. but there is no explanation for what I feel with this other; it is truly indescribable. He sends goosebumps down my spine.. it is like nothing I have felt before - Soft kisses on the forehead, gliding his finger tips along with mine, compliments all over, cuddles so tight that it wouldn't even matter if I stopped breathing, smiles through and through.. I never want this to end. I'm not going to apologise for what I've done.. but I know what is right in my heart, and this.. this should've been over a long time, over before it had even started. You played me for a fool from the start.. and now It's my turn. You were a little too late.. and I cannot be the one to blame for this..

You were at fault.

I'm seeing ghosts..

Everywhere I turn; It's a constant reminder of what once was. Run straight.. and they'll keep following. Open a door.. make a turn; and lose yourself. But everywhere I look, it's like you're still there.. and I can feel your presence in the room; it feels real.. and most times I don't know if this is reality or if you're just a figment of my imagination..

With one push

I've always wondered and thought how much easier things would be if life had a reset button and I had the ability to refresh everything with one push of a button; or even if life had the competency to be turned on and off like a TV.. or rewinded, paused or fast forwarded..